I’m about to not be able to use my language for 2 months and do the things I really love to do like read and write and I’m quite scared of that. I’ll only be able to do those things in a language I don’t have any real grasp on, and that scares me. What will happen to my dreams without my being able to write them down, or my thoughts or ideas. Well I know, they’ll disappear and it will be like they never happened but there will be a hole because I knew they existed once and then that hole will disappear because I will forget that I ever had them. Just like death. I fear I’ll be suffocated by not being able to express myself and enjoy myself in the most familiar ways to me, ways I’ve achieved a sort of proficiency in, and which please me very much. That feels like a kind of death to me, albeit temporary. Maybe my need to read and write will hasten my learning of the language, or maybe I’ll discover abstract form.
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