cold

Saturday I went to a party and talked with a guy for a really long time because he reminded me of adam driver’s character in girls. The resemblance startled me in a good way. He was an actor from texas. He worked at an equinox where he’d met Cary Elwes. I told him that I fell in love with Westley from The Princess Bride at a very early age. He told me that his dad’s favorite song is the one I’m named after.

Sunday I met a at mud but there was something going on. So we walked around the block and saw three people just like us sitting at a bar drinking coffee. This was all we wanted to do. We sat down next to them and looked at the menu and laughed at the prices we weren’t going to pay. We ordered a latte and an americano. Sure, some bread. We talked about our friends and how we felt about the people we are and aren’t sleeping with. We laughed so loudly that the restaurant manager came over and introduced himself. After passing back and forth a pleasant few sentences, he told us we were incredibly delightful, and then seemed to make the fact we stayed that way his personal business. He came back, gave us his card, told us to email him so we could set up a reservation. He came back again with two enormous warm cookies. We gushed over him, paid the bill, and drafted an email.

I bought mittens that were on sale because my hands hadn’t been warm in a week. I think they’re perfect. 

In winter you get creative because it’s very cold outside. Every walk between buildings is desperate. Every entrance a magnificent relief. 

I like being at the mercy of freezing temperatures. After work last week I sat outside and talked on the phone for ages. The night before I read outside of a bar until my friends met me there. I like the way cold clears my head. I like the way it makes me vulnerable in a very physical way. I like the way I can feel my body tighten. I like how my cheeks stiffen and flush and my nose runs. I imagine being poisoned feels this way.

I had never seen the city as beautiful as it was when a layer of ice coated it. It distilled every building, person, rat. All anyone thought to do was keep moving, though they needed to be slow because their limbs had hardened and they were in danger of slipping. I think this kind of distillation of purpose is beautiful. One must only perform their function when they are out in the cold. Every movement and layer and plan you make is in defense of your precious warmth. Humans so rarely possess such a gracefulness. Real grace only really exists outside, naturally, and in design. We are beings! Made of hot blood! chaos! That’s what makes us! but when submitted to a deep cold, the world and all it contains becomes lovely and still. My favorite color is always blue; right now it's the palest of them all. A breath of calm, cool air. As you wish, in a color.

Those who don't like winter, who think I’m false or brutal or whatever for my sentiment, I’m sorry you read this. I’m actually a cancer.

*A lot of this only applies to being cold in the city. Being cold in the country can be much more dire.