My skin is dry. Last night: I eat family meal and walk from midtown to williamsburg while intermittently crying. I walk past a store front that is only a room with exposed brick walls painted entirely white. The only thing it contains is a glossy black salon chair. The lighting is florescent and stark. It feels fitting for me to see. I know I have a lot in my life, really beautiful friends and beauty and promise, but things transpired so that I am alone in the city for no reason at all. And it is dreadfully depressing. I long for my dearest friends and feel bad for myself. I am not proud but honest.

In the morning I sit with my dreams because there’s nothing else I want to do besides lay on my side and open a book. I dreamt of meeting a boy in a very large, grand house. We liked each other very fast. My smile charmed him and so his quiet intellect did me. All in one day we shared everything about each other, slept together, and then ate dinner with his family in the house’s great ballroom. It was obvious that this is where we would get married and that made me nervous. The table on which we ate was enormous in diameter, which it had to be to accommodate the thirty, maybe forty people who were eating on it, though its center was completely cut out. Everyone ate in silence, so we joked quietly. I recognized his mother, who walked within the center of the table like a hawk. I noticed my own toplessness and shimmied on a sweater. He laughed at me. The next day he came to Veselka and waited in the line. As I chipped away at the line, it started to pour and the wind began to whip and a tempest formed on E 9th. My boss proposed we close the restaurant. I argued with him and ran out the door and up a hill, apparently no longer in New York. I quickly realized I had to return so I started running back. I ran down my hometown’s main street, passed Margarita’s and the old candy shop. I turned where I thought Veselka would be but it wasn’t there. I was hopeless and soaked. I found a room that was decorated but empty of a person. I dumped my bag on the floor and ducked under the covers. The TV turned on and on it a trans skeleton started masturbating. I realized that I had to leave there, too. I gathered up my things, changed my clothes, and ran. I finally found my way back and hugged the boy tight and desperately, grateful that he was still in line. I brought him inside after that.

Now that that's off my chest I will lay on my side and open a book.