things of loll

I believe winters are for toiling and in summer we as humans are meant to loll with our loved ones and cultivate intimacy that will, theoretically, sustain us for another winter. The last few days and nights I spent with g at her and j’s house. The three of us lolled around in bed and talked about big things like love and community and the end of our collegiate careers and what might come "next.” After the graduation ceremony I ate a lot of food in front of my family and returned to g’s bed where I slept for three hours to recover. Once g returned home and I awoke, we lolled around some more and then went out to a bar with r and r and g’s brothers. We lolled around in a booth and chatted and caught up like always and I wish we could always, but I'm always far, at least recently. I drank tequila and leaned on their shoulders to be close while I could. m ran into us and I squeezed her tight. We talked about our future abroad and how she's now a kept woman. She wore a Hysteric Glamour dress backwards over jeans, a stroke of genius, especially at the sill. All the boys, and there were only boys, were shy as boys tend to be in boston: No one's kissing. I told r and r and then m about how I'm newly heartbroken and they cried for me and gave me advice and shared their own Grizzly anecdotes. I hugged r and r goodbye and promised to see them soon. m showed me her Lorde shower curtain, another stroke of genius, and I hugged her goodbye and promised to see her, too, soon. We went home and g and her brothers and I lolled on the ground and talked about money and labor and politics and human motivation and their fraught father until four in the morning. Tears fell from an unlikely party. In the morning j and g played with a soccer ball and I photographed them. I’ll attach a few below. We got tacos and met g’s grandparents and j arranged a beautiful bouquet and I got around to leaving finally. Today e and I lolled around on a couch and then on the village green and then dripping wet on the rocks where we took to basking. All the while we talked about the nature of relationships, so-called feminine enchantment, historical aesthetics of suicide, and the way we long, against all our better judgment, for partnership. When we loll we shrink so we can consider how to grow and uninhibitedly talk about all that are different degrees of enormous—say, government, who we love and hate, what we are reading and wearing and watching, where we want to go just for fun. All the wonderful things of loll. I know in my bones the first salon was born in the summer, probably prior to a sleepover.